I am a sinner.

*This is a long post, from my inner heart*

"The more you're with lost people and the more you're in lost places, the more tightly you need to hold on to Jesus."

I tried not to be judgemental and not to offend people around me.

It takes me lots of courages to write this post. 

For once, i thought my life was an awesome one, full of excitement and challenging.
People seeing me enjoy my life. People back home jealous of my so called party life which i used to feel so cool and quite proud of it 'cz you can't find it in Malaysia.
Live life to fullest. But i was so wrong.

I've mess up with my life. All i wanted was having fun. I went party every week. I clubbed. I drank a lot. I got hangover. I started to stop going cell group and church. I started to procrastinate. I started to cut classes and skipped school. I behave like a vulgar and objectionable person. I get annoyed when my cell leader asked me to go for cell and church.
*sincere apologise, I am sorry.* 

I have to admit that those days was an awesome one and full of challenges. But until a certain point, i started to wonder what i have actually done, what i have actually achieved? Nothing! But life being wasted! So much wasted. I feel so sorry for both my parents. They work so hard. They provide the best of everything for me. They send me far away from home so that i can get a better education. All they asked for, is to concentrate on studies, graduate from the bachelor degree and make them proud.

I feel guilt. I feel frustrate. I feel anxiety. I feel ashamed. I feel so regret. So Sinful.
I started to have self conflict. I blamed myself everyday. I hate the previous me. I want to turn over a new leaf. I don't want to disappoint my parents, my friends and me myself.
I've been really tired of all the party and aimless life. I stop drinking and all. I update my daily schedule every week. I do all my tutorials. I do the pre-reading before lectures. I attend every single class. I'm trying to be more discipline.


Never thought of this day will come. I have an urge to attend the church service and Im totally feel blessed. I am not a Christian. I don't know God. Sometimes I doubt. I'm not in the relationship with God.  

And now, I started to accept Christ, started to believe in God. Jesus as my saviour, my Lord. I AM A SINNER and I believe Jesus died for my sins.

I burst into tears when worshiping God this morning. (I don't know why, it just happened so sudden and I just can't control myself.) Worship meant a lot to me. No longer just singing but sing to God in spirit. Praise him. This is so wonderful.

Ps Philip, the speaker of the day shared a really valuable message and i truly believe that God loves everyone and He will never leave us.

A Love Letter from God.
Letter that will lasts forever. Letter that is only for you.

God's love does not condemn you. 

God's love will never disappoint you. 

God's love will bring a miracle in your life.

 [Romans 8]

Be brave and stand up.
I confess my sin. Confess that i never really accepted God.
and first time in my life, i walked down to the altar and accept the prayer from the pastor.

Ps Joyce pray for me and i feel touched. I feel relieved. Again, my tears rolled down.......


"Father in Heaven, I am a sinner. I am not perfect. But God please come into my life. I turn from my sin now. Guide me, hold me, help me to stay with you. Let me talk to you, Let me feel you. In Jesus' name i pray, Amen."

- C -